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PapillonSigma910

Hello,

I sent an email yesterday to see if my text was correct and received this comment: The only small piece of advice I can give you is to ensure that the ideas are well connected. For example, when you say « for example, Dallas is street smart», it's not clear what you are trying to illustrate.

I'd like to make sure that I corrected this mistake.

Also, if you see any mistakes, have any comments to make my text better or think I didn't develop my examples enough, please tell me (I made those mistakes last time)

Thank you

My text: In this novel, the theme of identity is explored through the different social classes: the Socs and the Greasers. This novel has many important messages. Firstly, do not judge someone based on their external appearance. For example, at the novel's beginning, Ponyboy wishes his eyes were more gray than green because he hates most guys with green eyes. However, the more the story progresses, his perspective changes. He mentions on page 130 that he realized that Cherry, who is a Soc, has green eyes. This example makes it clear to him that they are the same even under those given labels. Secondly, being street-smart and intelligent sets Ponyboy apart from the rest of the gang. Ponyboy is still in school and gets amazing grades, he enjoys reading and writing poems, unlike his brother, Sodapop, so he has a better chance of having a successful life. Also, most of the Greasers don’t do well in school. However, on page 13, after Ponyboy's accident, Darry is mad at him for not using his common sense and always putting himself in trouble. For example, unlike Ponyboy, Dallas is street-smart. He carries an unloaded gun to foul the cops. This explains how the gang members are all different. Identity and societal labels are examined through character experiences.

Sarah G

Good morning ! :)

You made great adjustments ! Congratulations! :)

I would maybe try to rewrite the sentence Firstly, do not judge [...]. You should try to voice it in a way that it wouldn't seem like your thoughts, by linking it to an idea from the book. It needs to be more precise (tip : it should not apply to every book).

You did it well later : Secondly, being street-smart and intelligent sets Ponyboy apart from the rest of the gang.

• You related your aspected to something from the book right away (a character).

Hope that helps !

Keep up your good work ! :D

Sarah G