Bonjour,
j'ai un texte à écrire en anglais et j'aimerai m'assurer si mon texte fait du sens. (j'ai beaucoup de difficulté à m'assurer si la structure de mon texte fait du sens).
Merci d'avance <3
Once upon a time, a girl named Lily was preparing to return to school. She was very excited about the first day of school because it was her first-day attending middle school. With all this excitement, she bought new binders, pencil cases, and pens. The uniform is composed of the colors dark blue, dark green, and white. We could see the school logo on the top right of the shirt and pants. Inside the logo, you could read the school’s name. There were 24 hours left till the first day of school. Lily couldn’t wait to see her friends and teachers. Lily decided to wash her uniform one last time to be sure that it was all clean. She puts her uniform in the laundry machine and continues watching her movie. The laundry machine gave the sound ‘’BEEP‘’ to notify her that the clothes were ready to go in the dryer. Lily was so interested in her show that she didn’t realize that her white shirt was all stained. She puts it in the dryer and continues watching her movie while eating a chocolate cake. It was 10:30 PM, and Lily decided to take her clothes out of the dryer before preparing herself to go to sleep. She reaches her hand in the dryer and realizes that her white shirt has blue stains. She was so intrigued by her show that she hadn't realized that she added the white shirt with the colored clothes. Lily couldn't describe how she felt because her first day of school was ruined. She didn't know what to do. Lily decides to talk to her mother. She proposes she wears the stained shirt so that after school, they can buy a new shirt. Lily was so disappointed in herself that she didn't feel like going to school. It was 3:30 PM, and her mom was on the road. Her mom picks her up, and they go and buy the shirt. Lily learned to always double-check her work and never get distracted by a captivating movie.
Explication d'Alloprof
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Bonjour,
Bravo pour ton texte! La seule notion que tu devrais réviser pour l'améliorer est le moment où utiliser le simple present et le simple past. Quelques fois dans ton texte, tu changes d'un temps de verbe à l'autre alors que ce n'est pas nécessaire.
Parfois, c'est comme si tu nous racontais ce qui se passe en ce moment, mais oops soudainement l'action retombe dans le passé.
Veux-tu raconter l'histoire dans le moment présent ou dans le passé?
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Dans l'exemple, tu pourrais changer par « decides to take her clothes out » ou, pour raccourcir et continuer dans le feu de l'action, « takes her clothes out ».
Simple present:
Simple past:
N'hésite pas si tu as d'autres questions!
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